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I’ll go first…
I heard a really great sermon on this idea of ‘wholeness’ recently, and the preacher said something that I think about often… “Our bias in humanity is to try and find wholeness in the things we do, instead of in God. We all have one.”
For me, one of the easiest ways that I recognise wholeness that’s been misplaced, is through noticing when I feel pride. And this pride doesn’t always look like boasting and having an ego… It can look like envy, bitterness, hypocrisy, defensiveness, perfectionism, people pleasing… Some of the most subtle but uncomfortable feelings!
I think lately my biggest chase of wholeness has been in the way people perceive me. I want people to think I’m cool… but also interesting… and kind… and honest and genuine and fun and not too much but not too little… the standard is overwhelming! I’ll feel envy because someone else looks cooler than me… or I’ll be defensive because I don’t want to admit to my shortcomings and unravel my self-image… or I’ll people-please because I don’t want to disappoint anyone and have them see me as less.
The hardest part is I know that chasing these things is a loss - it’s pursuing the wind - but I still find I often can’t break the cycle. I don’t want to sit in the discomfort of not feeling whole! I think this is one of those experiences where I need to notice and recenter towards God, and surrender over and over again. It’s human bias. I can’t change it in my own strength.
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