A BLANK CANVAS & WILLING HANDS
A few days ago I was journaling on my doubts about this platform. The more I share pieces of what is to come, the more I seem to second guess. I look at other peoples creative ventures and think ‘Wow, I wish they could take my place. They’re so bold and wise and confident!’
The other morning I was scrolling on social media (despite being on a social media cleanse… oops) and this girl who creates really encouraging and deep video content (@shantwin for anyone interested) had posted a quote. I didn’t even read the words on the post. I just looked at the design and thought ‘She is way more cut out for this than I am!’ I caught myself in that moment and decided to swerve the negative thoughts by journalling. I journaled about my doubts, how unequipped I feel and everything that was making me afraid. At the end I wrote:
“i feel so unequipped, but perhaps that’s what God wants; a blank canvas and willing hands.”
Writing in my journal, I decided that what the world deems as a weakness can perhaps be our biggest strength in the eyes and plans of God. Maybe my second guessing is actually a good thing - it creates space for God to make the calls. It leaves room for me to lean on His strength and not my own. His ideas instead of mine.
After I finished journaling and felt better. I went back on instagram (yes, this cleanse really isn’t going well) and for a split second the post by @shantwin was on my feed. I caught a glimpse of the words and thought to myself ‘wait a minute’… Searching back to her page I found the post and read the words she’d written:
“maybe the very reason you think you don’t belong is the same reason why God placed you there.”
The exact topic I’d been battling with all morning! It felt like one of those beautiful moments when you feel so sure that it's God speaking to you.
A very mundane morning turned into an incredibly encouraging one. And perhaps this story will encourage someone else too.
What’s scary and funny and probably completely perfect and intended is that I find vulnerability really hard! And it’s the very purpose of this entire project! I admire it and crave it and celebrate it in others, but it’s so much harder when its you. So if anything comes of this, it really is God. My weakness made perfect in His strength.